I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
