Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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