I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
