And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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