before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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