That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize