So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
