We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
