I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize