my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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