So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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