if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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