So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
