I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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