you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
