remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
