We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
