Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Randomize