Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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