i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
