ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
