Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
