Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
