that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
