you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
