I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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