It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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