Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Drunk is not a location!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
