Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
