And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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