i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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