I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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