You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
