Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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