We're like a lot better than the average bears
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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