the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
