just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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