he thought i was a dude.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize