Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just pee around me
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
