Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
