Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
