When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
