I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
