I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
