he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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