dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize