i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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