Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize