You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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