you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
