I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
