One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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