I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
