I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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