fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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