u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
