I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
