What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
