You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Soap is not a condiment
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
