So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
