I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
