I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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