Everything about him screamed your future.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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