'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
well you can't waste a boner
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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