If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
