I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So squirting runs in the family.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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