found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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