I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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