Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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