watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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