after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
