I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
