i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
