ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
