Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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