I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
