i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
