its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
