Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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