He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
