i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
