My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Boobs are out for the taking
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
