New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
When did angry sex become our thing?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You don't make any sense
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