I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
