And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
