I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
