I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize