It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
