I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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