i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Two words: blizzard sex
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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