My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
