12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize