White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
