Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
