he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
