I hate your face
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
