She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
