I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
