If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize