I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
