what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
