i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Naked. naked and bneed help.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
