No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
