so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
