when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
