Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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