my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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