you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
