Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
