My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
