Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She bit a glass in half.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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