like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
