do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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