Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize