ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
