I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
